torn

This past weekend I visited my storage space and brought home with me hundreds and hundreds of papers - I had forgotten just how many treasures I have stowed away! So this week I've been sorting, cutting, and organizing these large stacks of papers. They will become many many journey books soon, so if you have been waiting for one please let me know if you would like for me to make one just for you!

I had forgotten how satisfying it is to me to sort and cut and stack these hundreds of pages. When I do get these few moments to myself in my workroom to simply do what I had done for years without even a second thought, it brings me such pleasure. I wake up each morning and know exactly what I want to be doing - to be in my workroom sorting and making.

Unfortunately, Adelaide does not approve of my desire to be doing anything but simply be with her. We've been struggling this week because of this - I feel the urge so strongly to create, but she just wants me to be all hers. 

These two forces are the strongest of my life: the longing to create and the urge to be a mother to my daughter. Being a mama and being creative mix incredibly well, and I am able to dream up all sorts of projects for Addie and I to do together. But lately too I've been feeling the urge to make my own things, so strongly I could just cry in frustration. There is, literally, just not enough hours in the day for them all. 

I feel so torn between the two things that I love and need the most in this world.