know that all is still safe and well

We haven't been feeling too good lately. I pulled a nerve in my back last week, and I have been feeling pretty run right down anyways. There are a lot of sick kids around the neighbourhood, and I tend to get a little bit sick when seasons change.

And I am so tired: several times this past week Addie's woken in the middle of the night completely hysterical, crying, unconsolable. She will wake suddenly screaming, jump right out of bed, and walk all about the house sobbing for a couple of hours. While we follow her trying to give her what she needs and make everything better. This is so unlike her, it is perplexing, frightening, and infuriating all at once.

Today for the first time in a very long time (if ever?) I pulled out my dusty old baby books and gave them some attention. The Continuum Concept, The Baby Book, The Natural Child, The No-Cry Sleep Solution. I skimmed a few pages but mostly I just lay with my daughter and thought about her and I. And I realised that developmentally Adelaide is headed to a new level, but perhaps she still needs lots of love and physical contact now that more and more she is beginning to find her own place in the world. With my hurt back I haven't been holding her as much or wearing her at all. During the day she is so tough and fiesty - but maybe she needs me just as much? Perhaps it is in the dark of night when she needs to know that all is still safe and well.

And we get so busy playing and running about that I think she needs to eat more than she has been. And, In my attempts to conform to the norm and get her to bed earlier, I have been skipping out her bedtime snack. Tonight there was lots of frozen blueberries before bed!

I hope so so much that they help her sleep her own sweet dreams again.

note: it is now after 3 o'clock in the morning and we seem to be back in our old routine: Adelaide is snoring away peacefully in bed, but I am awake and can't seem to fall asleep at all. So far, so good, at least for her!