on inspiration

Lately I have been feeling melancholy and it feels like perhaps maybe a part of my life is ending. It feels that my work and my style - a big part of my heart and soul - is about to become really really played out. Perhaps it already has. This is hurting my heart and making me feel a bit parinoid, as it seems as though I can't even go on the internet without seeing yet another person inspired by my work (i.e. ripping me off)

I'm not totally naive. I mean, I am sure when you see someone who is obviously copying your work for their own profit it feels crap to you too. I am sure it happens to everybody with talent. And really, if you put things out there what do you expect? I have never contacted anyone and accused them of stealing, or asked them to stop, or anything like that. I think that, even in the most blatant cases, I would only end up looking bitchy...

I realise that the only solution to copycats is to keep on doing new work, to keep on making things, to keep on being inspired, and to keep on creating simply for the love of creating. To me, the act of creating must come from a pure place. I have to always try and forget about those things, and keep on doing what I have always done. Keep on making things because that is just who I am.

However, I can't really dedicate too much time these days to my work - as being a new mama doesn't really allow completely for this. Often I get so inspired to do new things, but then I begin to start out and I soon I realise that doing my work to the level that I want to takes so much time and love from me, that it is not at all fair to my new little daughter at all.

There are so many things that I want to to do, but I find myself spreading myself too thin. Being a mom is really important to me, and even more important than doing my work. I went into this with my eyes wide open, knowing in my heart and mind what I wanted. In the overall scheme of things, what's a few years away so I can be the mama that I really want to be? I guess. I wish... that i wasn't being overwhelmed with copy-cats in the meantime. Maybe people think that I've just gone away and so my work is fair game. Maybe they're just so excited to be making that they don't realise that they are stealing and hurting someone else. Will I ever really know?

And all the while pondering these things I also think "oh, get over yourself!!!" These days have been the happiest of my entire life so what do I even have to complain about... Boohoo!